Things I have been researching

I have been reading a ton of blogs posted by other people who have endured or are enduring the same thing as I am. I am getting worried because it seems like healing time is going to be a year or so. I just never thought that this would happen to me. I feel like my life is going to have to change and that I won't be able to be as outgoing as I used to be.

I have been noticing that as the numbness in my ankle is going away, I have a little more pain and tingling in my ankle and foot. I hope this is part of the healing process.

I found some products online that promote faster healing. I ordered them. I'm anxious to give them a try. Here's the link to the website:

http://shop.aidmyankle.com/index.php?osCsid=cjok4ttbv3pe34cqjoh3h8g7v7

The first 3 items are for the ankle. It seems like a lot of the pain has to do with blood flow to the ankle.

I really want to be the person I was and enjoy the things I truly enjoy that unfortunately involve a lot of ankle movement. I want to do everything in my power, the doctor's power and God's power to get back to normal. Unfortunately, my summer is shot, but there's always next year right.

Well, as soon as I get the products and am able to use them, I will let you know what I think and what I experience while using them. There is a 60 day money back guarantee so that's enough time to try their products out and feel a difference.

Wish me luck!!

Is it normal to feel this way???

I have always looked at the glass as half full. I usually see the positive in things and don't really focus on the negative. I wish I could continue to be that way. I have been depressed over my broken ankle. I am depressed that I can't drive. I'm depressed that I am at other people's mercy's. I'm depressed that my freedom has been taken from me. I'm depressed that I can't work. I'm depressed that I can't dance or walk or do simple things.

Everything is a struggle right now. When you use crutches, you can't carry things in your hands. For example, you can't carry a beverage and walk. You can't carry food in your hands and walk. Everytime I cook, I have to carry the plate 1 foot, put it down, crutch myself over 1 foot, pick up the plate, move it another foot, put it down, crutch myself over 1 foot, over and over again until I get the plate where I want it to be. Same thing with a beverage. Nothing is simple right now.

Yesterday was my 1 month anniversary since I broke my ankle and fibula. The few times I have gotten to get out of the house, I make people take my wheel chair because I am not comfortable walking on the crutches. I have this constant fear that I'm going to fall forward while walking on them and the last thing I want it to hurt another part of my body. I hate having to get up on curbs to go into a store or a restaurant. Those 4"seem sooooo high and some curbs are 6"tall. My family and friends try to help me, but that freaks me out even more. I have to make sure I have the crutches firmly on the ground, lift my broken leg high enough, and then make sure I jump high enough with my good leg.

I keep reading other people's blogs who say that their ankle will never be the same. That scares me to death. I have always had loose ankles. I love to dance!! Expecially Salsa, ballroom, hip hop. I have some really cool foot moves that I like to do. I also love Zumba and am very coordinated in those classes. I fear that I will not be loose like I used to be and that my passion for dancing and Zumba are out the window. I was even considering being a Zumba instructor. That's how much I love that class.

I also wear high heals everyday. It's rare for me to wear low shoes or tennis shoes. And other bloggers have stated that it has taken them over a year to begin wearing heals again and that their ankle doesn't feel stable when they do. Is this break going to take away everything I love??

I am also worried about the muscle deterioration. I keep doing leg lifts with my broken leg and leg extensions, hoping I can minimize the deterioration. I am also constantly moving my toes and my foot withing the constraints of the cast to try to promote some flexibility.

My cast comes off on June 22, 2010. I am hoping to be promoted into a walking cast. Yet, the walking casts I see online seem to be a regular cast with a boot attachted to them. I sure hope that's not what I'm going to get. I am really hoping for a removable cast so that I can take a bath and begin to feel somewhat normal. I keep looking online to see how long people are typically in a walking cast, but can't seem to get any straight answers. So, I can only assume it varies case by case.

2 Weeks after Surgery. Removal of staples

2 weeks after surgery, I was anxiously awaiting today. They day they would remove the staples from my leg. Since the staples would dig into my skin, I could not wait for them to come out. I talked to several people to assured me it would feel like a "pinch" and would not hurt. Let me tell you, THEY LIED!!! It hurt so bad. Yes, it felt like a pinch, but more like they were tweezing hairs from my legs one hair at a time.

After that tourture, the put tincature to prevent my legs from getting infected. Can you say OUCH!! That burns!! But then it went away.

Now comes the time to get re-cast. My friend told me it would feel nice and warm and he really liked it. So, I was looking forward to the same experience. Well, the doctor wanted me to position my foot at a 90 degree angle. I thought sure, no biggie, till I did it. Instant tears came running down my face. I had no idea how much that would hurt and how sore and stiff my ankle is. I was trying to be strong, but the tears would not stop coming down.

It's interesting to see how they cast your leg. It's not at all what I had invisioned in my head. But the gauzes were warm and if it weren't for the fact my foot had to be at a 90 degree angle, I would have actually enjoyed it.

So now, I have a new cast on my leg for another 4 weeks. Absolultly no weight bearing at all. After 4 weeks, I might get promoted to a walking cast. We'll see how that goes.

The doctor was the one who assisted on my surgery. He told me, " I remember you, you had one of the worse breaks I have ever seen" WoW, that's pretty bad. Then they were teasing that the doctor did a great job on my pedicure. LOL

It's amazing how many people pay attention to my toes. Thank God, I had a pedicure 2 days before my accident.

One day at a time

I have been getting very frusterated. I'm so used to just picking up and going and only having to rely on myself. What once used to be an exciting day involving work, dancing, working out, taking my dogs to the dog park, is now a gloomy day. I wake up and lie in bed every morning thinking about what I can do to entertain myself. Around 10:30am or so, I crutch my way over to the kitchen where my step father makes me breakfast and coffee while I lay on the couch and watch Family Fued. I try to stay on the couch as long as I can endure it. Which usually isn't that long. Around 12Noon or so, I crutch my way back to bed. I might watch some movies online, or get on Facebook. I try to keep myself from sleeping so that I can actually sleep at night.

My mom comes home from work around 3:30pm and forces me to eat again. I see her so exhausted and tired and it brings tears to my eyes because I should be helping her, making her life easier. Instead, I'm just a burden. She always asks me what I want to eat and I always tell her whatever she wants to make. I don't want her making special meals just because of me. I am a somewhat picky eater, but I don't want to burden her more than I already am. After I eat, I ask my mom to put my wheel chair outside so that I can crutch myself outside and sit for a while. I try to play ball with the dogs. Watching them run always makes me smile. I love it when they bring the ball back to me. My ankle tends to start hurting when I'm in the chair about 45 minutes into it. So, I have to call my mom, to bring the wheel chair back in while I crutch myself back to bed.

I have been crochetting a dress for my mom's dog Brittany. So I will put on my headphones and sit on my bed and crochette away for a good hour. I'm almost done with the dress. I will post photos when I'm done. I think it's going to look totally cute.

After that, It's back on my back in bed watching more movies till I finally fall asleep. This has been going on for nearly 2 weeks now and I'm loosing my spirit. I feel so worthless right now. When you have crutches, you cannot carry things in your hands, so you really can't cook for yourself. If you use the wheel chair, your leg has to be elevated and despending on the layout of your home, you are pretty restricted to where you can and cannot go.

I know that this is temporary. I know I will get well soon and walk again. But it is mentally killing me right now.

Did anyone else who has been in my shoes go through the same emotions? What did you do to get out of it?

Mother's Day 2010

I drove down to Tulare, Ca to visit my mom for mother's day. I wanted to clean the house for her and give her a break for mother's day. She's always working very hard and taking care of everyone else, but, no one ever seems to return the favor. So, I drove down Friday night after work. I brough my dogs with me.

Saturday, the day before Mother's day, I spent all morning cleaning the house and doing laundry for her. Earlier that morning, I had slipped on a step that she has going from the kitchen down into the back porch. My ankle was tight and sore, but no biggie, on with my day.

At 6:00pm, I left for Porterville and went to spend some time with my Aunt and 2 friends. We went to some Italian restaurant for dinner. After dinner, I went to my friend Angel's house and we hung out together.

Sunday morning came and we had breakfast and were all around the house. I went to the cemetary to take Carlos Alves flowers like I have for the past 21 years and to take my father flowers to his grave. After, I went to Walmart to buy my mom a TV for mother's day. When I got home, I gave her the TV and she was very excited. I offered to make the BBQ Carne Asada, but she asked me to connect the TV for her.

So, with the TV in hand, I walked through the kitchen. I was focussing on the spot I was going to connect the TV for her, missed the step leading into the porch again, and all I remember is my foot went to the left, my bone went to the right, I fell on my butt. I was happy that I didn't break the TV. I was screaming bloody murder, MOM, MOM, MOM, come here MOM, when she came, she found me on the floor crying. I felt like I was going to faint. I told her, Call 911, I broke my foot. My step sister called 911 and what seemed like eternity, they finally came to get me. I was having a major anxiety attack. I was breathing very heavy and was shaking like crazy.

Due to the positioning of the slider door between the kitchen and the back porch, the EMT's had to pick me up from behind my back and another from my knees, while another was holding my foot in his hands. I was SCREAMING in pain. The ride to the hospital was MURDER. I felt every single bump. My breathing was intensifying, my shaking was uncontrollable, tears running down my face.

We finally get to Tulare District Hospital and they leave me in the emergency room in the hall way. I was in so much pain, I was crying. When they came to take x-ray's of my ankle, I couldn't help but scream when they moved my foot. The doctor had the nerve to tell me to be quiet. I wasn't screaming for attention. I was in true physical pain. Those who know me know I have a high pain tollerance. This was extrutiating.

They finally get me into a room. They inform me that I have a dis-located ankle, a broken ankle, and a broken fibula. Once I told them I had Kaisser, they could not get me out of that Emergency room fast enough. They put me under and pop my ankle back into place. I wake up with my leg in a splint and wrapped. They tell me that I have to go see an orthopedic surgeon because I will need surgery. I'm still not 100% awake and they take me from my bed and put me in a wheel chair. Again, I am left to sit out there in the middle of the emergency room waiting for my x-rays so I can take them with me to Kaisser.

They gave me Tylenol with Codeine and send me on my way. The drive home was horrible. I could not elevate my leg in the car. My toes were swollen. When I got home, I elevated my leg and went to sleep.

Monday morning, I call Kaisser Orthopedic Suregon's office and expain to them what had happened the night before and they try to book me an appointment later in the week. I told them I needed to be seen today as I was going to be needing surgery. They told me to be in Fresno at 11:45 am. That only gave us 1 hour from Tulare to get there. Normally that is ample time, but my step father is older and tends to move slower than normal. So, we arrived in Fresno around 11:55pm to find out that the Dr. left for lunch. Meanwhile, I had to get and EKG, and bloodwork and by the time I was finished it was 1:30pm. The nurse previously had informed me that they would take me in right at 1:30pm. I begain noticing them taking in other patients and not calling me. So, I went up to the receptionist, explained the situation and they got me in. Another 45 min in the waiting room go by, and by now I'm getting really bitchy because I am in a lot of pain, and I inform them that I have been waiting. They tell me that the doctor was trying to squeeze me in in between patients. I told them this was unacceptable because the doctor had left for lunch early when their scheduled lunch time in from 12:30 - 1:30pm and I got there at 11:55am. The doctor was in a few minutes later. He looked over my x-rays and informed me that I would be going in for surgery later on that night.

So, at 7:30pm, they finally take me in and prep me for surgery. I think my mom said I came out of surgery around 12:30am. The doctor told my mom that the break was a very bad one. I received a steele plate on my fibula with 6 screws, a pin in my heal and a lovely pink cast.

Everytime I would wake up the pain was extrutiating!! I would wake up crying in pain. The nurses would come in and give me a shot of Morofine. Unfortunately, the Morofine wouldn't last 4 hours until the next dose was available and again, I would wake up crying. My poor roomy didn't sleep well that night. I was in too much pain to be quiet. I kept complaining that my cast was on too tight. The pain was insaine. Finally the doctor ordered that they cut the cast on both sides and open it slightly. When they did that, the pain subsided. It was not as intense as it originally was. They re-wrapped my leg with gauze.

I spent 2 days in the hospital because they could not get my pain under control. They finally began giving me a shot every 4 hours and a pill every 2 hours in between to subside the pain. I tell you, I do not wish this experience upon my worst enemy.

It has now been 9 days since my surgery and I am feeling better mind wise, but am still experiencing a lot of pain on my ankle. I can't seem to position myself comfortabilly at night to sleep. SO I toss and turn most of the night. When I finally find that comfy spot, I don't move at all. Walking on crutches or using a walker is a bit challenging. I get tired very quickly. It takes everything I have to go from the bedroom into the kitchen or the bathroom. I have began sitting outside in my wheel chair to get some fresh air. I wheel myself back and forth for about 45 minutes to build up my arm strength.

Taking a shower is quite challenging. My mom put a tall chair in the bath tub. I have to use my crutches to back up and scoot myself onto the chair and hope it doesn't flip over. My right leg has to be elevated outside of the bath tub and wrapped to ensure it doesn't get wet. I use a hand held shower head to get the soap off my body. I'm someone who loves soaking in the tub and I can no longer do that. I also enjoy long, hot showers, and with a hand held, I cannot enjoy those anymore either. So, I just wash myself the best I can and make sure I don't miss any spots except for my let that is forbidden to get wet.

I got up and made myself some waffles for breakfast today. That was a challenge. I get to tired trying to stay on my crutches and good foot. The cast is very heavy and I get winded trying to walk. Every move is moving the plate inch by inch with every step I take so that I can eventually get over the couch, sit down and eat.

I keep reading online about other people who have gone through what I am going through and I am scared to walk when the day comes. It sounds like it's going to be very painful. I keep moving my toes as much as possible to promote mobility in my foot. I will keep you posted.

My spirit is a little broken because I went from a very independent woman and a pratically immobilized woman. That is very hard for me to have to depend on others to take care of me. I'm always the one taking care of others.

If you are reading this and have gone through or are going through what I am, I would love to hear your story. We need to support eachother.