Is it normal to feel this way???

I have always looked at the glass as half full. I usually see the positive in things and don't really focus on the negative. I wish I could continue to be that way. I have been depressed over my broken ankle. I am depressed that I can't drive. I'm depressed that I am at other people's mercy's. I'm depressed that my freedom has been taken from me. I'm depressed that I can't work. I'm depressed that I can't dance or walk or do simple things.

Everything is a struggle right now. When you use crutches, you can't carry things in your hands. For example, you can't carry a beverage and walk. You can't carry food in your hands and walk. Everytime I cook, I have to carry the plate 1 foot, put it down, crutch myself over 1 foot, pick up the plate, move it another foot, put it down, crutch myself over 1 foot, over and over again until I get the plate where I want it to be. Same thing with a beverage. Nothing is simple right now.

Yesterday was my 1 month anniversary since I broke my ankle and fibula. The few times I have gotten to get out of the house, I make people take my wheel chair because I am not comfortable walking on the crutches. I have this constant fear that I'm going to fall forward while walking on them and the last thing I want it to hurt another part of my body. I hate having to get up on curbs to go into a store or a restaurant. Those 4"seem sooooo high and some curbs are 6"tall. My family and friends try to help me, but that freaks me out even more. I have to make sure I have the crutches firmly on the ground, lift my broken leg high enough, and then make sure I jump high enough with my good leg.

I keep reading other people's blogs who say that their ankle will never be the same. That scares me to death. I have always had loose ankles. I love to dance!! Expecially Salsa, ballroom, hip hop. I have some really cool foot moves that I like to do. I also love Zumba and am very coordinated in those classes. I fear that I will not be loose like I used to be and that my passion for dancing and Zumba are out the window. I was even considering being a Zumba instructor. That's how much I love that class.

I also wear high heals everyday. It's rare for me to wear low shoes or tennis shoes. And other bloggers have stated that it has taken them over a year to begin wearing heals again and that their ankle doesn't feel stable when they do. Is this break going to take away everything I love??

I am also worried about the muscle deterioration. I keep doing leg lifts with my broken leg and leg extensions, hoping I can minimize the deterioration. I am also constantly moving my toes and my foot withing the constraints of the cast to try to promote some flexibility.

My cast comes off on June 22, 2010. I am hoping to be promoted into a walking cast. Yet, the walking casts I see online seem to be a regular cast with a boot attachted to them. I sure hope that's not what I'm going to get. I am really hoping for a removable cast so that I can take a bath and begin to feel somewhat normal. I keep looking online to see how long people are typically in a walking cast, but can't seem to get any straight answers. So, I can only assume it varies case by case.